Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

The title is just a line from the song I heard just as I was clicking on this, plus it kind of makes sense. Since the boyfriends back I’ve been trying really hard to hang out with my friends and him equally, especially at school. One of my isu’s/two tests, got changed to three weeks later, which I’m really happy about, but I really need to finish everything else. I got an 84% on my last bio and chem test, but I don’t think I did that well on my history test today… For some reason I go into them thinking ok, I know the basics and can just relay back to it if I need to, but then the questions seem so complicated and I don’t do as well. I don’t know.

This weekend I have to finish my seminar and hopefully start some of my history isu. Next weekend I get to go see DANE COOK! I’m so excited, its for my friends birthday, which is today, so we’re going out to eat and seeing him :)! Then I have to work a lot more on my isu for the rest of the weekend and work two 6 hour closing shifts back to back while also having my cousin(really close family friend who I’ve known since I was born) is coming down at the same time, so I don’t get a chance to really visit with them, which I’m kind of sad about. They moved from being 5 minutes away about 6 years ago to being an hour ish away, so I rarely see them anymore and don’t talk to my cousin like at all, and she used to be my best friend. I would always be with them, and my uncle has been friends with me dad since they were kids, so yeah. I’m hopefully going to go down to their house this summer for a weekend or something if I’m allowed to.

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Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

My religion teacher gave me this assignment. We’re studying Buddhism and they meditate, so to understand it and try to understand the “Middle Way” we had to break down our 24 hour day, make a pie chart, and try to meditate, well basically sit in silence and clear our mind without distractions, for at least 5 mins per day. Well, I never really noticed till I was doing the write up, but it actually has made me feel more calm, and I’m not as stress lately. I don’t think I’m depressed or bi-polar as much anymore either, but I could have just been over thinking it again, and the stress just made me think that more, but anyways. I’m gonna keep trying to do this at least once a week, just to see how it goes, hey who knows, my life could get better, maybe my marks will increase, and maybe I won’t think of my dad as a complete asshole and not call him that to everyone I know.

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

That I have ALOT of homework/isu’s to do. With no time to do them. I have a whole chapter to make notes on for chemsitry, the chapter is 56 pages long. I have two seminars and and research paper to do for history, haven’t started that. Oh and I need to finish making chapter notes for biology since we have a test on the wednesday we come back, haven’t finished that. Why does school hate me? Why can’t I just have the same amount of homework of last year and the year before and everything was like a bird course for me. UGH!

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

Finally! It’s here! The new layout I made is now a theme wooo hoo! I don’t know if I even like the theme/layout anymore anyways, but hey it can do until I can make a new layout. Its just the debugging and fixing everything that gets messed up that is the problem. Criticism would be greatly appreciated

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

That one friend that HATES it when she’s put in the position or does the things to you that she hates? Yeah well its continuously happening to me. Its starting to piss me off.

She always makes me the third wheel, I always have to go to her house, I’m always with her boyfriend and her friends. She’s been to my house ONCE, she picks plans that come up over me, she has only seen me twice on my birthday and gets upset if I somehow can’t see her once, when I see her every year for her birthday, oh and she’s ditched me on my birthday to go snowboarding.

She was supposed to come down this upcoming Saturday because my parents are having a party and her parents are coming, so she was going to drive them home and visit me. I told her if I could see Dylan I would. Then my friends all want to have a group hangout and asked me specifically what days I was not working so I could come, for once. Now they all want to hang out that night, I told her and she freaked out. She started guilt tripping me and saying things like “oh I’m never down (by your house), make it another weekend, etc.” I CAN’T, plus I never said it was for sure, I just said it was a maybe, you’ve done this to me before, and don’t guilt trip me, it won’t work because I have about 8 things I can say to when you say one thing about this stuff.

I’m just so pissed. This never changes. We’ve had this argument several times and nothing changes. I’m so frustrated.

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

My march break starts Friday. Thursday night I’m hanging out with friends & going bowling, and I might go to another friends house for the night on Friday. Then during the whole march break I work almost every day except for Sunday and Thursday, 36 hours in one week. I have so much school stuff I also have to do. Two seminars, two isu’s catch up with school stuff that I’ve been putting aside because of the two tests I have tomorrow, just a lot of hectic annoying stuff.

I don’t really know if I’m gonna see the boyfriend. I would love to go see him Thursday or Saturday, but I have my doubts that it will happen for some reason. I miss him terribly.

Today two things of drama happened and they weren’t even about me or had anything to do with me, but it still made me angry. The first was this morning when my two friends and I were in bio and they just sat down. They had Timmie’s, which they do every morning and they never make a mess and throw out their cups and our teacher never says anything. Now the department head, Dr. Pitts, walks into our room with a supply, all three of us cannot STAND him. One of my friends and I had him in grade 9 and we still can’t stand him. Anyways he walks in, sees their Timmie’s and just shouts,”GET THOSE DRINKS OUT OF HERE NOW!” Doesn’t ask politely or anything, just yells. We don’t deserve to be treated like we are 4 years old and know nothing, we’re not really supposed to eat or drink in the science rooms, let alone any classroom, but a lot of teachers don’t mind as long as there isn’t a mess. Needless to say my friends called their parents and told them, because my one friend who had this teacher in grade 9, had her mother hit on by Dr. Pitts and knows how many inappropriate and rude things he does to people so they went to the office and I believe somethings gonna happen.

The second was that one of my friends from elementary school who I didn’t really see or talk to much since this semester, her ex boyfriend who I know started talking crap about her to someone else I know and this person told the ex girlfriend. That makes me livid because someones ex shouldn’t be talking smack about them only because they broke up. Nothing bad happened, they just kind of broke up, it wasn’t a trust issue or one of them cheated or anything, so he had NO reason to say anything about her.

Ugh, now I have to go study for chem and religion. I’m doing so horrible for me this semester. One 66% (in chem, my teacher can’t teach), a 71% in biology, a like 80% something in religion and maybe like a 78%ish in history. Why can’t school be as easy as grade 9 or 10 where everything was basically like bird courses and just mainly review of the previous years and just adding bits and pieces of new things in. Life is stressful I tell ya.

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

I’m doing better than I thought I would be doing with Dylan leaving again. I’m realizing who my true friends are through all of this as well. One of my friends who I went to her house every morning to go to school with, which I’m grateful for, pretty much completely ignores me at school and only talks to me on msn as soon as the boyfriend came back and still now. I don’t get it? My other friends have been amazing through all of this and I’m so grateful for them.

I’ve been having tons of homework, as usual, with March Break coming up too! I’m excited for that. I can work, hang out, HOPEFULLY get some of my seminar for history started/done, etc. My parents are having a party on the 21st so my friend is trying to see if she can book off work and come with her parents so we can hang out.

Last Thursday, me and a few friends along with the boyfriend, all went to a bowling alley close to here because from 9-11 they have G.N.O where girls get in for free and we had a blast! Except one of my friends just broke up with her boyfriend right before coming so we were trying to keep her occupied. The best part of the night was when the bf’s ex and her sister showed up RIGHT IN THE NEXT LANE! She apparently kept looking at us and “flaunting her stuff” while me and my boyfriend didn’t pay once cent of attention to her. His uncle was there too so he was hanging out with him as well.

Other than that nothing too exciting is going on in my life, dealing with school, work, friends, and missing the bf. He makes it hard sometimes. Since he left on Saturday we have talked on the phone maybe twice, when we’re used to talking every single day for at least a half hour and he just wanted to hang out with the guy he’s living with off his hockey team and call me at midnight to say good night. He did this all the time when he was away before, and I CAN’T STAND IT. I get up at around quater to 6 in the morning for school, and you want me to wait up? No, you can spend a half hour of your day talking to your girlfriend who you know never talk to or see while the other guy talks to his. Frig, makes me feel loved, and he never understands why I’m always mad when he does that. Ugh, boys.

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

First off, my classes are alright. Biology I think is gonna be interesting, I’m excited to learn about other religions other than Catholic for a change, plus I’m interested in seeing how all of the people will turn out..; Chemistry is going to be a challenge trying to pay attention to my mono-tone very boring teacher, and history is going to be amazing considering my teacher is from AUSTRALIA! I love her, she’s so nice, plus my favorite subject, ancient history :)!

This past week has been: Monday & Tuesday exams, Wednesday off, Thursday & Friday new semester.  Last Friday, my friend (lets call her A who I go to school with everyday) was getting a drive from her dad and I wanted to be at school early so I could study while it was quite so I didn’t go with her.  Monday she got a drive from her Mom, so I again didn’t come, Tuesday she decided to come with me, everything was fine. Then Wednesday night I told her I was going to go with the boyfriend that morning cause it was his first day back, she said that was fine and she had to go to one of our other friend’s house to drop something off. She was going to initally come with me to the boyfriends hockey game last night and had permission from her mom, but then yesterday she told me her mom wanted her to stay home, but she was over at someone else’s house till around 6 anyways, so it kind of makes me iffy if she was just saying that, or her mom wanted her to come home. I then asked her last night if she wanted to get a drive with me to school for this morning, and she said no go with your boyfriend. I told her I would just see him at school and I have lunch with him anyways, then she started saying she needs to walk cause its good for her and stuff. I don’t get it.

Yesterday when I was talking to her she seemed upset and didn’t really say hi to me, so then I asked her later on if everything was ok and she was just upset over her classes. Today I tried saying hi, the first time no response, and the second time it was a weak “I don’t really want to talk to you hey” and I said hi again twice later on today. I even asked her if everything was ok again and she said yeah, why. So I explained to her that she seemed upset when I said hi to her the past two days and no response. I hate this bullshit, I hate it when people talk to you and hang out with you and stuff and then the next day barely talk to you, like what the hell? I’m so sick of being the friend that everyone leans on and then when they don’t need you anymore, dropping you. Story of my goddamn life, no wonder the only person I really am around is the boyfriend, he’s the only one that doesn’t drop me because he doesn’t need me anymore. Fuck highschool is complicated.