kay_la_ox

Just trying to keep my spirits up. (long)

2009-05-02T03:54:06Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

The title is just a line from the song I heard just as I was clicking on this, plus it kind of makes sense. Since the boyfriends back I’ve been trying really hard to hang out with my friends and him equally, especially at school. One of my isu’s/two tests, got changed to three weeks later, which I’m really happy about, but I really need to finish everything else. I got an 84% on my last bio and chem test, but I don’t think I did that well on my history test today… For some reason I go into them thinking ok, I know the basics and can just relay back to it if I need to, but then the questions seem so complicated and I don’t do as well. I don’t know.

This weekend I have to finish my seminar and hopefully start some of my history isu. Next weekend I get to go see DANE COOK! I’m so excited, its for my friends birthday, which is today, so we’re going out to eat and seeing him :)! Then I have to work a lot more on my isu for the rest of the weekend and work two 6 hour closing shifts back to back while also having my cousin(really close family friend who I’ve known since I was born) is coming down at the same time, so I don’t get a chance to really visit with them, which I’m kind of sad about. They moved from being 5 minutes away about 6 years ago to being an hour ish away, so I rarely see them anymore and don’t talk to my cousin like at all, and she used to be my best friend. I would always be with them, and my uncle has been friends with me dad since they were kids, so yeah. I’m hopefully going to go down to their house this summer for a weekend or something if I’m allowed to.

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Its because..

2009-04-16T02:12:42Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

My religion teacher gave me this assignment. We’re studying Buddhism and they meditate, so to understand it and try to understand the “Middle Way” we had to break down our 24 hour day, make a pie chart, and try to meditate, well basically sit in silence and clear our mind without distractions, for at least 5 mins per day. Well, I never really noticed till I was doing the write up, but it actually has made me feel more calm, and I’m not as stress lately. I don’t think I’m depressed or bi-polar as much anymore either, but I could have just been over thinking it again, and the stress just made me think that more, but anyways. I’m gonna keep trying to do this at least once a week, just to see how it goes, hey who knows, my life could get better, maybe my marks will increase, and maybe I won’t think of my dad as a complete asshole and not call him that to everyone I know.

I just realized..

2009-03-17T14:34:39Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

That I have ALOT of homework/isu’s to do. With no time to do them. I have a whole chapter to make notes on for chemsitry, the chapter is 56 pages long. I have two seminars and and research paper to do for history, haven’t started that. Oh and I need to finish making chapter notes for biology since we have a test on the wednesday we come back, haven’t finished that. Why does school hate me? Why can’t I just have the same amount of homework of last year and the year before and everything was like a bird course for me. UGH!

New Theme!

2009-03-16T23:25:06Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

Finally! It’s here! The new layout I made is now a theme wooo hoo! I don’t know if I even like the theme/layout anymore anyways, but hey it can do until I can make a new layout. Its just the debugging and fixing everything that gets messed up that is the problem. Criticism would be greatly appreciated

Do you have..?

2009-03-15T14:11:47Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

That one friend that HATES it when she’s put in the position or does the things to you that she hates? Yeah well its continuously happening to me. Its starting to piss me off.

She always makes me the third wheel, I always have to go to her house, I’m always with her boyfriend and her friends. She’s been to my house ONCE, she picks plans that come up over me, she has only seen me twice on my birthday and gets upset if I somehow can’t see her once, when I see her every year for her birthday, oh and she’s ditched me on my birthday to go snowboarding.

She was supposed to come down this upcoming Saturday because my parents are having a party and her parents are coming, so she was going to drive them home and visit me. I told her if I could see Dylan I would. Then my friends all want to have a group hangout and asked me specifically what days I was not working so I could come, for once. Now they all want to hang out that night, I told her and she freaked out. She started guilt tripping me and saying things like “oh I’m never down (by your house), make it another weekend, etc.” I CAN’T, plus I never said it was for sure, I just said it was a maybe, you’ve done this to me before, and don’t guilt trip me, it won’t work because I have about 8 things I can say to when you say one thing about this stuff.

I’m just so pissed. This never changes. We’ve had this argument several times and nothing changes. I’m so frustrated.

I’m so sick of this crap.

2009-01-31T05:02:42Z

Originally published at tirades. Please leave any comments there.

First off, my classes are alright. Biology I think is gonna be interesting, I’m excited to learn about other religions other than Catholic for a change, plus I’m interested in seeing how all of the people will turn out..; Chemistry is going to be a challenge trying to pay attention to my mono-tone very boring teacher, and history is going to be amazing considering my teacher is from AUSTRALIA! I love her, she’s so nice, plus my favorite subject, ancient history :)!

This past week has been: Monday & Tuesday exams, Wednesday off, Thursday & Friday new semester. Last Friday, my friend (lets call her A who I go to school with everyday) was getting a drive from her dad and I wanted to be at school early so I could study while it was quite so I didn’t go with her. Monday she got a drive from her Mom, so I again didn’t come, Tuesday she decided to come with me, everything was fine. Then Wednesday night I told her I was going to go with the boyfriend that morning cause it was his first day back, she said that was fine and she had to go to one of our other friend’s house to drop something off. She was going to initally come with me to the boyfriends hockey game last night and had permission from her mom, but then yesterday she told me her mom wanted her to stay home, but she was over at someone else’s house till around 6 anyways, so it kind of makes me iffy if she was just saying that, or her mom wanted her to come home. I then asked her last night if she wanted to get a drive with me to school for this morning, and she said no go with your boyfriend. I told her I would just see him at school and I have lunch with him anyways, then she started saying she needs to walk cause its good for her and stuff. I don’t get it.

Yesterday when I was talking to her she seemed upset and didn’t really say hi to me, so then I asked her later on if everything was ok and she was just upset over her classes. Today I tried saying hi, the first time no response, and the second time it was a weak “I don’t really want to talk to you hey” and I said hi again twice later on today. I even asked her if everything was ok again and she said yeah, why. So I explained to her that she seemed upset when I said hi to her the past two days and no response. I hate this bullshit, I hate it when people talk to you and hang out with you and stuff and then the next day barely talk to you, like what the hell? I’m so sick of being the friend that everyone leans on and then when they don’t need you anymore, dropping you. Story of my goddamn life, no wonder the only person I really am around is the boyfriend, he’s the only one that doesn’t drop me because he doesn’t need me anymore. Fuck highschool is complicated.